The Superbowl I’d Like to See:


or the ramparts we watched weredda da da da da

The game begins with a Frank Drebin, I mean Enrico Pallazzo National Anthem complete with “and the home of the land and the land of the free!” climatic ending.

Next, the coin toss. This year’s honorary coin flip (flopper), Brett Favre.

Favre: “Gentleman – Good luck to both sides. Play hard out there. Have fun, and don’t take any pictures of your penis. And if you do, may I suggest a fully erect shot?”

<The collective crowd gasp in shock and disbelief is deafening>

Coin toss: Aaron Rodgers attempts to call it – but Brett Favre shouts in the microphone – “Heads.”

Coin lands heads: Brett Favre: “I win!” Victory lap.

Fast Forward to 1/2 time. Packers 21, Steelers 3 [Rodgers, 14-17, 211 yards 3tds] [Rothlesberger, 2-3, 2 sexual assault charges, 0 days in jail]

Black Eyed Peas enter stage – fake crowd on field goes fake wild . Boringness ensues… Until the most awesome thing of all time happens. Prince and Morris Day show up in ninja outfits with nunchucks and bandannas and engage in a “Beat it” styled fist fight with the Black Eyed Peas. It begins to rain. Morris Day grabs Prince by the arms and spins him in circles. In 4 inch stilettos Prince delivers a rapid series of horizontal kicks and destroys The Black Eyed Peas. He then proceeds to drop the greatest set of all time.


Game. Blouses.

Raspberry Beret
Let’s Work (performed shirtless)
I Wanna be your Lover (preformed pants-less)
Cream (preformed ass naked)
Diamond and Pearls (Preformed with only a doo-rag and diamond and pearl necklaces)

Then a spaceship approaches. George Clinton beams down with the rest of the Mothership and they play Flashlight, Make my Funk the P Funk, and Get up for the Down Stroke. Bootsy Collins and and his star guitar sword fights with Prince and his penis shaped guitar, and every women in the crowd takes off their tops.

Gett off, me.

Star Child

Wind me up

pg representation of boobs



Second Half:

More ass whooping.

Final whistle blows– Packers 35 – Steelers 6. Pitcher of Kool Aid dumped on Coach McCarthy.

The Big Avocado masturbates celebrates long into the night.

…What? It could happen.


Top 5 Reasons the Packers win (honestly)

1. The NFL would rather see the Packers win. Seriously – this Super Bowl run couldn’t have happened to a bigger piece of shit that Big Ben. “Fuck word” that guy. Refs have daughters and I’d be 0% surprised to see a few calls go our way.

2. We have the best player on the field. Aaron Rodgers and his enormous jock strap throw darts and dominate football games. Seriously – he might be the best player in the NFL.

3. The Packers are on fire. Playing with momentum is huge. The Packers have been beating people’s asses for the last 2 months. They don’t even remember how to lose.

4. Clay Mathews feels snubbed after losing the DPOY to Troy P. I’m expecting him to enter the stadium on a vine beating his chest with jungle scream erupting from his core.

5. I need this.

Final Score – 38-17. You heard it hear first. Holla.

Big A: “Go Pack Go”

About The Big Avocado

A bag of chips and then some.
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13 Responses to The Superbowl I’d Like to See:

  1. Eben says:

    Thanks for censoring the fuck word.

  2. Mikie says:

    the prince/morris day vs black eyed peas = best imaginary fight scene ever?

  3. Rusty says:

    Rusty’s Lead Pipe Super Bowl Prop Lock:

    James Starks OVER 16 carries. Bet the mortgage, send me a postcard from your new vacation home.

  4. bababooey says:

    Couldn’t agree more. Nice funk montage. I hope Rape Face gets injured.

  5. Graham says:

    Brutha, you are definitely not afraid of the penis. Not sure what that means, but… With respect to friends from “The Berg”, got to go with the Cal angle here by siding with the Pack. Am confused, however, that Vegas would make them the “favorite” as “underdog” always has a nice ring to it.

  6. Lil Avocado says:

    How you feeling Big Avocado? An imaginary SB ring on your pinky finger, 64 oz. of malt liquor in your muffin top and bowl of guacamole up in your pants. Life is good.

  7. michael says:

    we got off to a good start for your predictions. christina aguilera as frank drebin, deion sanders as brett favre, ass whooping ensued, and though the predictions teetered with the half time show and second half, your final prediction of PACKERS F’Ing WIN THE SUPER BOWL WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO as correct!!!!!!!!!!, nice job

  8. Jen says:

    I was rooting for the Packers. Didn’t really care about either team. I just think Rothlisberger is a creep. He needs to go away. I fell asleep before the end of the game. That’s how in to it I was.

  9. gregjennings85 says:

    We got it.

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