I’ve got enough readers to justify an about me page; so here you go:
I’m in my 30’s, and unless I keep this thing going for another 8 years, that comment will remain true. I started this blog as a way to indulge my ever-expanding ego. The only reason I write is to make people laugh, and in turn have them tell me how funny I am.
Insecure? A little. But I’m ok with that.
People don’t actually ask me a lot of questions, so the “F” in this FAQ actually means questions that have either been asked once, or questions I simply assume people want answered.
What’s up with name?
It doesn’t mean much. I live in California, a place known for Avocados. I’m not very big, but compared to avocados, I’m huge. It is also a line from a rap song by my favorite west coast rapper – Casual: “You know the motto – the Big Avocado” I thought that was funny. This thing is supposed to be funny, hence the title of this blog. Apologies for this lame-ass explanation.
Does your wife read these posts before you humiliate your family?
Yes. She is the litmus test. Before I publish anything I ask her to read it. I then stand in the adjacent room and count the number of laughs (forced and otherwise.) If she can muster up enough pity to chuckle a minimum of 4 times you get to read about it.
Why does she put up with you?
I am really good at dishes.
Do you have plans on releasing a book?
No one has actually ever asked me this.
You make lots of jokes about penis. What’s the deal?
Penis is funny, and if you don’t agree, this blog might not be for you.
What do you like to do when you aren’t writing these masterpieces?
I like to create awkward situations so as to create fodder for future posts.
How much of this shit is true?
All of it.
Are you concerned your daughter will read this when she gets older and resent you for it?
Yes. But for the time being, she can’t read and I’m completely comfortable exploiting this limitation.
Why do you need so much attention?
This one is frequently asked. I have no answer. Don’t judge me.
I wake up every single morning hoping to see a new post in my inbox. Any chance that will happen, and if so, is there anything I can do to help make this fantasy a reality?
Probably not. I have a paying job, and a family that limits my writing time. However, I would like to write more, and I’ll see what I can do. You can help by telling your friends to check it out. I’ve created this imaginary world in my mind where people are actually waiting for me to post. If that were to actually happen, I’d feel obliged to try a little harder. Let’s work together.
You kind of annoy me.
That’s not a question.
If you have any other questions, please email me at email@example.com
I’ll update this list with any future questions – so have at it.
-The Big Avocado